Title: Divine Intervention
Author: Perpetual Motion
Summary: Everything could go kablooey.
Dis: Belongs to NBC, and they're treating it pretty well.
Author's Notes: For michellek, who requested it weeks ago. And to julianlee, because these two ladies write "Scrubs" fic at a level I'm still working towards. Enjoy, girls.
By Perpetual Motion
“So, have you told him yet?” Ben sat on the counter and kicked his feet against the counter wall.
“Go away.” Perry spoke without moving his lips or looking up from the chart he was marking.
“I’ve told you,” Ben stuck his legs straight out and giggled when a nurse walked through them and shivered, “I can’t leave until you tell him.”
“Bullshit.” Perry snapped the chart shut and started down the hall. He wasn’t surprised when Ben hopped off the counter and followed him. “Isn’t there a malpracticing doctor in hell who killed a strong, promising, honor student jock you should be torturing?”
“Yeah. His name’s Craig. He’s a nice guy. Too bad he drank so much.” Ben shoved his hands in his pockets and picked up his step to keep up with Perry. “And if you talked to JD, I could go hang out with Craig who, by the way is a lot happier than you, and he’s in hell.”
“So am I.” Perry stopped at the soda machine and rooted around for quarters. He looked less than impressed when Ben reached through the machine and grabbed a Coke for him. “Show off.”
“Into eternity-if someone would let me get there.” Ben leaned against the machine and half of his shoulder disappeared. His face softened from his standard loopy grin to an honest, serious expression. “Look, Perry, if it weren’t so important, I wouldn’t be pushing you. If you don’t talk to JD and *tell* him, everything will go to shit. Hell, it’s starting already. Jordan’s on the verge of banishing you from the apartment because you’re becoming too much of a surly bastard for even *her* standards, and JD’s on the way to blowing you off in the bad sense if you don’t stop being Repression Man. Talk to him or everything goes kablooey.”
“I’m talking to my dead best friend, who’s telling me to fuck the kid that everyone seems to think is my protégé. Everything *has* gone kablooey.
“It’s going to go kablooey-er.”
Perry took a long drink from his extra-cold Coke can. “Look, unless you plan to hang around and double-ice all my sodas while not making one mention about Clara, my supposed feelings for him, or the ways in which my life is soon to be in ruins, then go away.”
“Ben looked unimpressed. “You know, your rants have really suffered since you started this whole unrequited love thing.”
“If you don’t get away from me I’ll find a way to exorcise you to Branson, Missouri.”
Ben laughed. “Firstly, I *like* Branson. It’s the lights. Secondly, you can’t exorcise me. I’m not a haunting; I’m a guardian.”
“You’re a pain in the ass.” Perry gulped down the rest of his soda and tossed the can into the recycling bin. “Isn’t there an Ebenezer Scrooge out there who needs the Ghost of Christmas Stupid?”
“Someone else is already handling Dr. Kelso. I’m here to handle you.”
“I don’t want to be handled.”
Ben leered. “Well, not by me.”
Perry crossed his arm and planted his feet. “Look, Marley, while I appreciate this whole stalking slash haunting slash being a *massive* pain in my ass thing you’ve got going on, it ends *now*. I don’t need your dead ass trailing behind me running icy fingers up and down my neck until I declare some undying love to Mikala. Not only is it no longer any of your *business* if I become the surliest bastard on the *planet*, but you’re playing under the completely misguided and *stupid* idea that Becki-with-a-smiley-face-dot-over-the-i would even *want* to knock boots, screw, shack up, or whatever it is these crazy kids *do* nowadays.”
“Actually, I’d be up for some version of that.”
Perry froze for a second before years of ‘terrorize-the-newbie’ training kicked in. “*What*, Emily?” He spoke as he turned on his heel and faced JD. He stared at JD. JD stared at him. Nothing happened.
Ben glanced between them, then up at the ceiling. “You said no possessing, but I’m out of options.” He stepped into Perry’s body, made Perry lift his arms, made Perry grab JD, and made Perry kiss JD. When they were both thoroughly occupied, Ben stepped out of Perry’s body. “You’re welcome.” He grinned when Perry flipped him off without pulling away from JD. “I’ll see you around.” Ben turned around and walked down the hall. He smacked the Janitor on the back of the head before he disappeared from view.